an open letter to a fanbase.

I’ve been a Creature Feature fan for nearly two years. When I first saw them open for Schoolyard Heroes and The Birthday Massacre on January 24^th, 2009, I knew it was love. Right then and there, I bought a hoodie and The Greatest Show Unearthed and when I got home, I listened to it on repeat into the small hours of the night. I told everyone I came into contact with to listen to them as soon as humanly possible. The next time I saw them, I actually got to meet and talk to the two of them and although I was nervous and probably acting like a complete moron, they were nicer than I could’ve imagined, a fact that made me love them even more.

To state the obvious, I am a huge fanghoul. I’ve been called the biggest fanghoul on the East Coast. Delirium, for some reason, has called me the patron saint of fanghouls, which I find highly amusing and use from time to time. I post pictures of them daily on tumblr, I draw them often, I run the CF fanclub on deviantart (suchhorriblethings), I listen to their music at least twice a week (usually the album in its entirety), I wear their hoodie on a regular basis, etc, etc, etc. And yes, I have a very large crush on Curtis Rx (I mean, I did write why he’s hot). Quite frankly, you can see my crush from space. Putting his looks aside for the moment (because I could go on all day), the man is probably one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. I think he’s a creative, multi-talented genius. I admire his ambition and the work he’s produced. His updates on his various websites and his sarcastic sense of humor never fail to make me smile. I’m very lucky to know him and the fact he knows who I am and talks to me frequently is more than I could ever ask for.

All of this said, I think there’s a big difference between having a crush on someone and wanting to drag someone to your crazy ass rape dungeon. The internet is a public place, children. Everyone can read the silly nonsense you say. And yeah, I’ve said my share of silly nonsense but the fact that you crazies specifically send this nonsense TO him boggles my mind further. It’s not cute/funny/amusing to be like “Curtis, I want you to impregnate me. Would you like me to come over and rape you or do you wanna send me your jizz in a cup? ” I shit you not. I cannot possibly make this up. It makes me queasy just typing it. I guess it’s been in the “attractive rock star job description” to be accosted by underage girls for a while now, but with the internet and all, it seems to have escalated to unholy proportions. And not all of this is coming from underage girls, so I don’t know which is worse, a 12-year-old saying this or a 25-year-old.

Now, I saw Curtrik coming because, as a MCR fan, I had seen every sort of band slash pairing imaginable. All I could say was, “Well, at least they’re not related, right…?” But God, I did not see M-preg or the sheer amount of it coming AT ALL. And yeah, if you’re not familiar with M-preg, it’s exactly what it sounds like. That’s deviantart for you, I suppose—fucking apeshit crazy. Once again, this is a case of “think before you touch the internet”. Not only did all of this happen, but a certain group of girls managed to write a Curtrik fanfic with not only the boys doing each other but one of my close friends getting raped by them. Again, I couldn’t make this up if I tried. There are certain lines you don’t cross; I believe that to be one of them.

Sometimes, I hear about the “golden days”, when the Creature Feature forum was new, small, close-knit community and I wish I could’ve been a part of that. Despite this, I’ve made quite a few wonderful friends through this band, kids I wouldn’t trade for anything. I’ve tried not to be the elitist bitch, but as the band keeps going, the fanbase is just getting younger/stupider and I can finally fully understand why the old school Chem fans gave me such shit in the beginning. So please forgive me, new CF fans, if I regard you with skepticism from now on. At this point, you gotta earn it.

TL:DR? The Creature Feature fanbase is beginning to scare me. I love their music and I’m incredibly excited for their sophomore album to finally be finished so they can come back to the East Coast but the people who are calling themselves CF fans now seriously need to calm themselves down before I get a chainsaw out.

Love and Zombies,
-Sami Cyanide.

extreme happy.

Creature Feature's stage clothes. Spread out on my bed.

There are no words.

We Claimed It First.

So I’m up.

And it’s turning out to be one of those days where I’ll listen to as many variations of “The Greatest Show Unearthed” as possible until I can’t take it anymore. I’m listening to the limited edition version right now, which isn’t that much different from the actual version except for the song order—I think the only reason I spot the differences at all is because I’m an obsessive freak.

Last night sucked something unbelievable. It took me forever to actually fall asleep, what with a fever and these kids in the hall screaming for vodka. I think I fell asleep for about 2 hours then woke up, got some water, and nearly fell down in the hallway from dizziness. This cold, man. Came out of fucking nowhere.

I probably have to eat soon and shower and start the homework I’ve neglected to do but right now, I just wanna listen to “The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth” then go back to sleep.

This.

happy to have you back.

Halloween.

I m Sam. Sam I Am.
For Halloween at least.

I had the best dream ever last night. It was bizarre but really perfect. I doubt that will happen again but one can only hope. I wish the feelings were there in real life...

-Cyanide

Why Curtis RX is Hot (for tumblr.)

1. He’s unconventionally attractive. He’s got this dark, things-that-go-bump-in-the-night sort of sexy to him. You usually don’t see “full blown muttonchops” on the list of things girls drop their pants to, but when he looks this good rocking them, you might wanna revise that list. Move over, scruff- sideburns are the next big thing and Curtis Rx is the mastermind behind it.

2. He’s the singer and guitarist for Creature Feature, a band that sounds like Halloween every day. How awesome is that? And anyone who can sing about cannibalism, zombies, and being buried alive while looking and sounding absolutely gorgeous at the same time has to have some serious skills and a few screws loose. But who doesn’t like a guy who’s a little unhinged? Oh, and while playing guitar, he can do this. BAM. Jizz time.

3. At 6’3”, the man is one very tall drink of water. And his legs go on for days in those perfectly fitted pinstripe pants that just make them look even longer. Mmm, mmm, good.

4. His sleeve is brilliant. It’s huge, which means the man knows how to take some pain but it’s also intricate and it makes you want to run your fingertips all over those purple ink vines that wrap around the deliciously pale skin of his arm from his wrist all the way to his shoulder.

5. He’s a complete dork and makes no apologies for it. The guy writes songs about horror movies for a living and covers songs from old-school video games. He carries the biggest fanboy torch for Bruce Campbell. He knows the secret Contra code for 30 extra lives. There’s so much more to add to his dork list but he embraces all of it with pride and an irresistible smile.

you sure are looking good.

"Little Red Riding Hood" by The Meteors.

I think it might be our song.

As if we could have a song.

God forbid they ever even think of covering it.

"You're everything this big bad wolf could want."

(psssst- buy kill hannah's "wake up the sleepers")

-Cyanide.

When It's Just Not What We Do.

I think I'm gonna get psychiatric help again.
As long as it's free and they don't tell my mom.
I don't wanna be a basket case...

I need to loose maddd weight.
I should be reading about racial allegories in Frankenstein or working on my Creative Memoir draft.
Instead, I'm listening to Head Automatica and updating this shit.

I wanna write something good, like I used to.
I haven't written anything substanial or eloquent or worthwhile in a damn long time.

Oh, and those pictures did mean absolutely nothing.
Always trust your initial instincts, children. Always.

I want more pen-pals.
If I can't write fiction, I might as well write letters.
I've been at college for a month now, how weird is that shit...?
-Cyanide.

bow chicka wow wow.

Someone's getting lucky on my floor.

Really loudly.

Like, you can hear the springs.

-Cyanide

from me to you.

someone randomly IMed me.

all they said was: *Hugs softly*

then they promptly got offline.

secret admirer...?

thanks for the hug.

*hugs back*

The Ballad of Sal Villanueva.

I've been on a Batman Cartoon kick, specifically Harley and The Joker.
Gotta love that mad love.






I can't help liking these blurry fucking pictures.

They mean nothing though...

Squirmy Sign Language.

I finally bought a mini top hat. It is amazing and I adore it so. The one at Hot Topic was $30. The one I bought was $7. Hooray for savings.

I overreacted about many things today. I need to calm down and just do better next time.



I miss you. And not just the sideburns, the entire body and laugh and smile and silly, sarcastic witticisms, and the hugging abilities that you possess.

-Cyanide.

go to college.

do it.

Timberwolves in New Jersey.

I have been on a huge Taking Back Sunday kick though I've never used my iPod less. I'm actually socializing here, shockhorror. Kudos to everyone who said college was different than high school, because they were fucking right. Actual classes start Wednesday, so wish me luck. For the past week, I've been goofing off and making friends so it's like catching up on the goodness of summer that I didn't quite have. Everyone I've met has been super sweet for the most part.

Tons of cigarette smoke makes me dizzy.

And boys, boys, boys! There are actually boys here! I'm getting slightly intoxicated by it, really. My high school had 10 boys in the grade at most, and none of them are worth mentioning. But here? Oh, so different! There's this one boy down the hall from me and he's such a cutie. We're gonna be in two of the same classes, he likes zombie movies and comic books, and he's growing SIDEBURNS.

I'm already smitten, no lie.

And it really doesn't help that he runs around shirtless in the evening hours and this morning, while I was brushing my teeth, he came in wearing nothing but a towel. I'm not used to this at all; my head might just explode. And it was nice, fucking trust me on that shit.

I was talking to this other boy tonight. I think he's pretty fucking gay (because what straight boy asks you what your favorite Disney movie is and then says his is Cinderella?) but everyone thought he was really into me. Either way, I gave him my number. Why not? We can always chill and I'm planning on getting him to listen to something other than The Fiery Furnaces. I think he'd like Circa Survive.

In short, college is wonderful.
And Marty, shave your beard and give me my Curtis back.
-Cyanide

Hello There.

Haven't used this in ages.
I'm currently a freshman at Hampshire College.
I'm downloading music like crazy for some reason.
Perhaps I'll start this up again.

L+Z's
-Cyanide.

New York City Speed.

The new Kill Hannah song "New York City Speed" owns my ears.
SO GOOD. Even though I swore once again that Mat Devine was a chick when I first heard it.

I haven't managed to get a job so I've been lounging about the house, watching bad daytime television (MAURY FTW) and trying to read as much as possible. I've also re-discovered my love of Rollercoaster Tycoon.

Curtis Rx finally saw the Time Warp video. He said he liked it. He also randomly commented my myspace to say hello. I can't help but be slightly flattered.

CYANIDE AND DELIRIUM: PART THREE
Escape to Connecticut
coming to theaters on Friday night

-cyanide.

Napalm Blankets (The Summer To-Do List).

I like lists. They help me keep things in order.
Though my lists are rarely in any specific order and can be completed in any manner.

1. Read as many books as possible.
(Definitely the one I have to finish before going off to Hampshire and preferably more Chuck Palahniuk books, since Haunted was so wonderful in my opinion. I would like to re-read The Inferno and finish War and Peace but those aren’t musts at this point)

2. Get a summer job/internship/volunteer position.
(Because I’m already bored beyond belief sitting here in my room and I need something else to do for the month of July. It’s impossible to do anything without money and money is definitely not something I am in possession of. I can’t even spend the day at the library without bus fare. At this point, I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a McDonald’s job. I should be so lucky.)

3. Work on my novel.
(Yes, I have the bare bones of a novel and it’s decent, premise wise, but there are parts of it that need to be completely overhauled and parts that need to be added and I’m sure there are parts that need to be cremated.)

4. Retrieve my artistic talent.
(Because it seems to me that I lost it. I haven’t drawn anything decent in about a week, maybe two weeks and I haven’t written anything of note in months.)

5. Write a handwritten letter to someone.
(I have an idea of who but I don’t think I have the moxie so if not that person, than someone else will probably receive a handwritten letter from me. I think actually writing things is a lost art and it’ll help keep my handwriting is readable condition.)

6. Lose weight.
(Isn’t this one everyone’s to-do list? But I am seriously overweight and pretty disgusting in my opinion, so it would be nice to not look, you know, so awful.)

7. Get some self-esteem.
(I have no hope for this last one, but whatever. Might as well put it on here to remind myself that self-esteem or at least a smidgen is needed to function.)

Knock Me Out Again.

I need friends who wake up when I do and haven't just fallen asleep 5 hours ago (it's 10 AM where I am).

I am officially out of high school and already bored out of my mind. I don't particularly want to be writing more 8-10 page papers of bullshit, but I feel like I've lost my artisitc capabilities and therefore, can't do anything "worthwhile" except read, eat, listen to music, and watch television.

I believe we're supposed to leave in the evening to meet up with my godmother. I hope she leaves the vodka at home. She's supposedly supposed to have cash for me since graduating warrants cash prizes. Oddly enough, I've been able to live on little to no cash since I've been fired from my last job. Family members will slip me anywhere from $5 to $20 (mostly mum slips me money) and I've been doing well without it, probably because I haven't been leaving the house. I do need money to eat, since we rarely have too much in the house to consume. I should eat less though.

I am in a bad mood already and I think this has something to do with a certain someone's new found appareciation for the internet... that and the weed smell that my mother has allowed to no permeate through my room via the open bedroom door. With the internet thing, I don't MIND him being on the internet. I do enjoy reading his shit immensely. I think it's the twitter thing that bugs me. I can't quite explain it. I think he hates me. A lot. But to hate someone, you would have to fixate and that's not it either. I think he just doesn't give a fuck, has already forgotten me and that hurts even more. Whatever, fuck it. I'll learn to cope.

Oh, time zones. They always leave me alove.
(I am depressed again).

Breathless and Disconnected.

I haven't updated this in what seems like ages.

Today was the first of two graduations. Yes, I have two. Yes, I don't like the system much either. This one was the high school one and it was short, which I liked. It feels nice to get my diploma.

So close to leaving this hell hole of a high school, I can fucking taste that shit.

My grandma is staying over at our house and we can really only take her in doses. She has this incredibly slow, pretentious way of talking which could make the most well-adjusted person rip their hair out and go insane and she never seems to say anything worth while. I guess it's because she's retired. I dunno. It's just getting hard and she's not leaving until Tuesday.

I'm reading "Haunted" by Chuck Palahniuk and I adore it muchly.
Tomorrow, I get the best graduation gift a spooky kid could ever wish for and it's prom. Ha. Let's see how that one goes.
I should take my make up off and make a sandwich of some kind.
Cheers.

The Promise Keeper.

the time warp tutorial a.k.a. proof that me and miss d need better things to do with our lives:



on a side note, miss d totally got me addicted to tUB rING.
"zoo hypothesis", the album of theirs that i'm currently addicted to, is amazing in the way that it manages to be eclectic without making you feel angry that it won't pick a single genre and stick with it. it jumps from sound to sound but not in a schizophrenic way. they're definitely doing something new or at least something that hasn't been done this well before.

ha, i got her addicted to schoolyard heroes, though, so it's a fair trade. if you're not listening to both of these bands, get with the motherfucking program.

-cyanide.

We Are The Righteous.

So much has happened, holy shit.

Last weekend, Miss Delirium returned to my part of the graveyard and together, we decided to take the Spring 2009 Zombie Crawl by storm. The Crawl, which took place in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, was super fun, though I have to say, the one in October made more of an impact on the passerby, since we crawled through Union Square (which is always filled with people, not the hordes of the undead) and having 100+ zombies storm Whole Foods is definitely a sight to see. But it was super fun being with Miss D and we were definitely some of the coolest looking zombies. So cool in fact that people just wouldn't stop taking pictures. I think it helped that I had a fake brain and Miss D was nomming on a fake hand. We take our zombie roles very seriously.

The next day, Miss D and I chilled around my house, small as it, and dressed up once again as Creature Feature with me as Curtis and she as Erik. There are so many things wrong with this, mainly the fact that I'm 5'0" and Curtis is 6'3" (fifteen inch different, holy fuck) but I have the pinstripe pants and she has the striped shirt. Also, Miss D says that she's used to never smiling and hating everything but tomatoes and I'm used to being the fearless leader, so that's how we roll. This time around, I tried the sideburns on for size, using black cream make-up and a stippling sponge (hooray for having an endless supply of Halloween make-up!), and a lot of people have thought it to look convincing. It is WAYYYYY cheaper doing that than buying fake sideburns- black cream make-up from Walgreens was $1 around Halloween and a stippling sponge was $2, so if you're looking to give yourself some epic facial hair, I would highly recommend that method.

Dressed as Curtis and Erik, we took some videos, though only one made it onto youtube (I will put it up on the blog later, I'm currently updating this from school), which is our tutorial of how to do The Time Warp. Definitely must see TV. Then we watched Evil Dead and Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn and had a very good laugh while doing so.

Yesterday (Thursday) was the national award ceremony for The Scholastic Art and Writing Awards. I had won a silver medal for my poetry on the national scale, which means I'm a better poet than most of the teens in the country. Ha. Beat that. It took place at Carnegie Hall and it was a really awesome ceremony. I was proud to be a part of it and my mom was extremely proud of me as well.

-cyanide.

Uh-huh, Holy Shit-

it's about time you get off mah dick.

Ha, okay, so I freaked out about my seminar presentation for nothing. I PWNed that motherfucker. I turned that presentation out and made it my bitch. It was insane. Everyone in class thought it was great.

Apparently, we had a chance for Gabe Saporta to give the speech at our graduation but since my school is lame and no one throws their fangs up in this bitch, we're gonna have some borough president give the speech.

Bandit Lee Way.

Welcome to the world, baby girl.
Congrats to the proud parents.

<3

(ps. you haters will get used to the name soon.)

The Myriad Ways That I Love You.

Happy Memorial Day.
I dunno if it's a happy holiday, but I know that a three-day weekend is always a cause for celebration (for me at least), so happy three day weekend then (and for those of you who don't have one, sorry).

Me and Mum might go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. We haven't exactly decided yet. I'm watching the Law and Order: SVU marathon at the moment, applying for jobs I've found on craigslist, and considering working on my senior thesis (I really should though, I only have two whole days for it. procrastination is my forte).

Yesterday, my aunt and uncle came over for dinner. Dunno why, really. They invited themselves. It worked out, I suppose. Mum is a lovely cook. My uncle's voice makes me wanna beat myself over the head with the nearest object though. Thank God he's not a blood relative. I have a thing with voices and his is that nasal pretentious sort of voice which he puts on to fool you into thinking he's smart and he's always spouting random facts to try and seem even smarter. You're not fooling me, baby. Ha, so many kids at my school have that nasal pretentious voice as well and I'm just like, can't you hear yourselves? well, I can, and it makes me wanna commit homicide. This is probably why I love singers.

Speaking of singers I love:



My new favorite picture, methinks. I think he should wear tight-fitting black shirts more often. *swoon and smile*

Supposedly, the Creature Feature boys are coming back sometime between August and September and me and my favorite flaily!goth, Miss Delirium, are planning to see as many of their east coast shows as humanly possible. The time frame has me worried though, since the aforementioned aunt is moving back to Florida from New Jersey (her job took her to Joisey but she's quitting and she wants to go back home) and she wants me to help her move back. She also wants to take me to Disney World and who am I to say no to that? But all of this is happening in August and you have NO FUCKING IDEA how much I miss that kid. It tears my heart up way more than it should...

I'm hoping I can see at least one show. And hey, maybe they'll be in Florida when I'm in Florida and my aunt will take me (she seems to understand my odd obsession for creepy music and going to shows)!

-cyanide

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now.

Fuck my life.

Every time I leave my first period class (sophomore seminar), I can't help but want to cry. I've felt since day one that I'm the stupidest kid in that fucking class and nothing that has been done has made me change my mind. I liked first semester of this class because we looked at literature and we had tons of essays to keep my grade up without participating and in that class, I even participated some (shockhorror) because I knew what the fuck I was talking about. But second semester rolls in with a new teacher and a new project and this fucking post-modernist bullshit and I can't handle it. There's been one essay paper, which I did well on, but nothing else. I'm constantly late to that class because I don't want to roll out of bed and have to face it first thing in the morning.

Every Senior has to do a Senior thesis before they leave this fucking hellhole and I am no exception. A 15+ page research paper is daunting enough (they do put it in chunks to ease the pain some) but this is not the main reason I am so upset. I can write a paper, even if the length is obscene. There is a presentation as well, and seeing as how I'm the stupidest kid in this class, presenting in front of kids so much smarter than me makes me want to shit myself.

If you know me, you may be arguing "well, cyanide, you're a smart girl! you can't be that stupid compared!" ha, how wrong you would be if you said that. And if you know me further, you may say "well, cyanide, you've done plays and you've read your writing in front of people before so what's the problem?"

Reading a fictional piece, for me, is so much easier than reading something non-fictional that I had to come up with myself. The point of this paper was to get better acquainted with a subject but I just picked something at the last minute so I could hand something in. I don't want to do this presentation but I have no choice and the fact that I fucking blanked out in front of my class for my five minute presentation and then had a small mental breakout afterwards does not bode well for me at all. I just want to crawl into a corner and die.

And my teacher thinks, that with practice, I'll be able to overcome this fear by Wednesday. Are you fucking kidding me?! This isn't shit you just get over. This is deep seated, terrifying shit, and I understand that I will have to do this again sometime in my life and that I SHOULD feel safe in my high school, but presentation wise, this is the most dangerous place. You just don't get over this type of shit in a few days. How can I when I've felt for the past few months that my knowledge in this class is worthless and everyone is smarter than me?

Walls of Text are never fun.

TL/DR- I have a presentation for seminar. I'm going to fail it. I really hope I don't fail this class, but it's looking extremely likely.

Stay Alive or Stay The Same.

Haven't updated this in a while.
Basically I'm-

Looking for a new job.
Super broke.
Still hopelessly and retardedly in love.
okay with being in love for the moment since it makes me giddy and he is so totally gorgeous and sweet.
Loving the new Aiden album, Knives.
Suggesting you buy the aforementioned album.
Listening to a lot of The Cure lately (The Walk, Let's Go to Bed, The Love Cats, Boys Don't Cry, Friday I'm in Love, etc).
Looking forward to the three day weekend.

-cyanide.

The RX fund: Support Indie Films!

Okay, so, if you know me at all (and since the only person really reading this is Amanda, who knows me plenty), you will know that I am a huge and complete Creature Feature spaz. Been that way for over a year. I love these boys to death and since I'm fanatical about it, I'd do just about anything for them.

So here's the deal.

This is Curtis Rx:



Don't let the sideburns intimidate you; he is one of the sweetest people you could ever have the good fortune to know. He is the singer and guitarist of Creature Feature but he doesn't stop there. He's working on a novel and he's working on some films.

Now, films are mad expensive if you want them done correctly and like most of us kids in this recession of doom, poor Curtis up there broke as hell and can't make his film making dreams a reality. But simply because we're in a recession does not mean we have to subject ourselves to an artless, boring world, right? Right. And seriously, think about it- if you're a city kid like me, you have to blow $12 on a shitty remake/horror film/chick flick/whatever and wouldn't you rather see your money go towards something original instead of some re-hashed bullshit? The last movie I saw was The Haunting in Connecticut and I know where I'd rather my money had gone.

So if you're feeling in the giving mood, here are the places to go-

here's the paypal donation center.

here's the creature feature blog, where you can pick up some epic cool t-shirts which will have you both supporting the cause and looking snazzy at the same time. win/win!

this is one of my favorite bands we're talking about here and as soon as i find a better job, i know where i'll be sending some of my cash.

love and zombies, forever and always,
-sami cyanide.

Preaching, Reeking of Weekend.

Weekend:

went to work, got fired from work, went to breakfast, went back to work, got re-hired (maybe), left work, went to philadelphia, loved it, cheesesteak-ed, double decker bussed, left philadelphia, got home, finished paper, got moody, story of my life.

Seperate and Ever Deadly.

The novelty of wearing pajamas to school wears off around the middle of the day. I usually don’t wear pants to sleep (LOL, SCANDALOUS?) but that's not good for school, so I was wearing this cool, black and white pinstriped pair which I got a few compliments on them. I just don’t like wearing pants in general, so it was making me mildly uncomfortable. Oh well.

The whole reason for pajamas to school was that it was the last day of Senior Spirit Week. I didn’t participate in the first three days but yesterday was blast from the past day so I was doing something like a 1940’s funeral costume. Somewhat Black Dahlia inspired. I have this interesting funereal hat my grandma bought me from a thrift store. It has black lace overhang and huge black feathers in the back. Too ridiculous even for me to wear on an everyday basis, but it worked yesterday.

I want to dye my hair again. I haven’t since last year, when the bangs were bright pink. I’m thinking a blood red or something of that nature. This isn’t a sure thing but since my hair has been bothering me so much lately, I figured dyeing it might make me happier.

My Curtis Rx cosplay is officially finished. I finally got the piece de resistance—the pinstripe pants—from a thrift store earlier today. It was a bitch trying to find pinstripe pants that were both in my size and black and white but I found them and I’m so happy I found them on the cheap! Hooray for bargains!

I’m thinking of buying diet pills. I’m not too comfortable with my weight. I know I’m not alone in this but I would really like to do something about it.

Going to Philly for the weekend. I’ve never been there so I think it’d be nice to see it.

-cyanide.

And Live My Life Alone Forever Now.

I am in one of my terrible moods and the only good thing about this is that my hormones aren't jumping around in a frenzy anymore. Sometimes, things just seem overwhelmingly hopeless and my superbly analytical brain can find a million different ways to thrwart my happiness.

I don't understand why I think I would be happier if some boy liked me. I was slightly happier when I was with Peter but not by much. It just adds a different set of problems to life. But fuck, everyone together just seems so happy on the outside. Why can't I just have the facade of happiness?

I guess in the end, no matter what I do, I'll always find a way to make myself miserable because that's what I'm most comfortable with and deep down, I'm afraid of being happy. Blah, blah, blah, I sound like a fucking shrink.

This was pointless.
Please find something more enjoyable to do.

I'll Strive To Make Them Hurt.

Last night was The Horrors and The Kills @ Webster Hall.

I think I sold Webster Hall short. It's a nice venue, much nicer when
the atmosphere is laid back and there aren't a billion sweaty teenagers pushing against you, screaming "I LOVE YOU GERARD!", and you can barely stand up because you haven't eaten or drank anything in hours. Yeahhh...

I came late, aroud 7:40, missed most of the first band, The Magic Wands', caught the last song and liked what I heard. I was gonna buy a CD but they had sold out, so I bought the new Horrors album, Primary Colors, and waited for them to come on.

The Horrors:

The Horrors' new stuff is nothing like their old stuff. The age of the big hair, black suits, and combating instruments is over and a more polished sound has taken its place. This isn't too say that they've lost their edge. I was texting my best friend, Claire, who had seen them earlier in the tour, and told her some of their new shit is creepier than their old shit. Live, it definitely is. Faris is still a tall British menace on stage, constantly waving his arms like a preacher to his choir, and brandishing his mic stand as though try to keep the demons away. His rough British voice has taken more of a melodic air, but over the meandering music, it seems as though he's narrating a bad acid trip.

I love their new album and I suggest you all buy it (I dunno if it's out in the US yet. I'm fairly certain its out in the UK. If it isn't out here, it should be soon, so keep your eye out) and if they're in your city, I suggest you see them.

The one gripe I have about The Horrors has nothing to do with their change in sound. I wish they would've toured the US more for their first album, Strange House, since they're not playing anything from that album on this tour. I was supposed to see them back in the day, when Irving Plaza was still Irving Plaza and not The Fillmore. They were opening for Schoolyard Heroes (how bitchin' is that?!), but they cancelled at the last minute. I think they might've gone to NYC one time before that but that was it. Was it lack of fans, lack of funds, or lack of interest? Perhaps a combination of the three? Hopefully, this album will get them big enough so they can headline and play some Strange House for me.

The Kills:

I had mixed feelings about The Kills live. I love their album, Midnight Boom, and I have No Wow but I don't really have patience for it, if that makes sense. It probably doesn't.

I think my feelings stem from the fact that they sound so different live than they do on the album. Not neccessarily shittier but definitely more raw and varied. I definitely liked "Tape Song", "No Wow", and "Black Balloon" performed live.

I came home and watched two episodes of Torchwood and despite the fact that Captain Jack is sexy beyond belief, he isn't in it enough, and when he is in it, the acting just seems really poor, and the show is wayyy too much about sex and not enough about clever alien hunting for it to be as awesome as Doctor Who.

-cyanide.

Let's Go For A Walk.

Today, we had a school trip to DIA: Beacon, a contemporary art museum in upstate New York. It was a really pleasant trip. I learned on the trainride up there that my seminar teacher likes The Smiths. I can't help but like him a little more now.

I've never really seen so much contemporary art in one place before and they had very odd installations, which included video, flourescent lights, glass, mirrors, yarn, steel, and other such things. I think my favorite installation was Warhol's "Shadow" which is one piece with 73 canvases (there were originally 100). They're displayed all around the room in a line so you're immersed in the art, as our tourguide explained.

Everyone in our group either thought that our tourguide was cute or super hot. I was one of the kids who found him cute; he would've been hot if he had shorter hair and longer pants. But it was adorable how excited he was about the art he showed us. His name was Noah.

Also, in the Warhol room, they had these huge, extremely soft couches which were wonderful to longue on. Yes, I enjoy art, but I enjoy art from a comfortable seated position.

Tomorrow, I'm going to see The Kills and The Horrors at Webster Hall. I absolutely hate Webster Hall (bad experience a few years ago when I saw My Chemical Romance there). I can only hope they don't have the same douchebag bouncers and I should be fine.

I still need to make cookies for a baby shower tomorrow. I dunno whether I wanna do it now or wait until early tomorrow morning. It shouldn't take too long, if I go to bed early-ish and wake up early-ish. I always wait until the last minute to do things.

My friend, Jenna, has been writing me these adorable text message stories which I've been retyping onto my computer so I can have them forever and read them over again (my cellphone can only store 100 messages at a time).

My hormones have been going completely haywire lately. I have no clue what to do about that. It's beginning to get sort of worrisome.

-cyanide.

Video Kid Like You.

So on Monday, I saw Dommin, I AM GHOST, and The Birthday Massacre at The Highline Ballroom with one of my close friends, Miss Delirium. She is wonderful, a true artist, and an excellent kid to CF spaz with. When they come back to the East Coast, the two of us will be at every show we can get to, so keep an eye out for us and say hello! We wear top hats, we’re hard to miss.

I had school on Monday, so I went to that (much to my chagrin), and picked up Miss D from Penn Station at 6 without a hitch. We dropped off our bags at my office, and took the bus crosstown to the Highline. We tried to get some pictures on the bus, but they ended up looking like this:



So we abandoned that.
Gosh, aren’t I attractive?

Anyways, we reached the Highline and met up with one of Miss D’s friends (Erik, I believe, but not to be confused with Erik X, mind you) and we were basically in the front of the stage on the left side. The Highline is a tiny venue, no barricades. It’s really laid back and a pleasure to go to. Definitely one of my favorite all ages places. We chose the left side because we both wanted to be on the side of TBM’s keyboard/keytarist. He is an adorable lad.

Dommin were the first band. They were…a band.
This isn’t to say they were bad, but if they didn’t have a keyboardist, they wouldn’t have been too memorable. For the first two songs, I couldn’t understand the frontman at all. “Dark Holiday” was definitely their best song, though. I would download that if I could. I should look for it.

I AM GHOST were next.
IAG and I have an odd relationship. I know that they’re ridiculous. Their lyrics are some of the worst, nonsensical lyrics I’ve heard (shark people wear shark clothes? Come on, kids) but for some reason, I have all three of their CDs and I continue to listen to them. They are a great live band and they played all of their mosh-worthy songs. I was afraid they’d whip out one of their cheesy goth ballads but they didn’t. It was a really good set. Steven kept saying fuck yeah and he did a leprechaun dance, which was definitely amusing. The one complaint I had was that they had too much interlude music. They came on to the intro to the Thriller music video, which was cool, but it could’ve been cut down; towards the middle of the set, they played Interlude: Remember This Face, Baby (from their new album Those We Leave Behind) which probably worked the best, since it’s under 2 minutes; right before their last song, they played The Dead Girl Epilogue Part 1 (from the We Are Always Searching EP), which is 3 minutes long and could’ve been shortened as well. So yeah, a little less interlude, a little more “fuck yeah!”.

The Birthday Massacre:
This was the fourth time I’ve seen The Birthday Massacre and I only have Violet, so needless to say, I didn’t know any of the songs they played that weren’t on that album. They’re a great live band, though, and to me, they’re better live than on the album. Chibi is a bundle of energy, always saying thank you in her adorable, slightly Canadian accent, and acting like a little kid, which could be annoying when done by anyone else, but is endearing when she does it.

A good time had by all, really. Though me and Miss D need better concert footwear-
I was wearing heels as usual and she was wearing too big creepers.

-cyanide

And 20 Little Tragedies Begin.

Hello there, everyone!
If you're not following me from deviantart, then you might not know me just yet.
My name is Sami Cyanide. Here are five random factoids:

1. At five feet tall, I can safely say that I'm shorter than you. I wear heels almost everyday, though to get me some height.
2. I'm a senior in high school at a school I loathe, but I'll be going to college in the fall. Very excited about that one.
3. I always seem to be watching Family Guy or the Food Network.
4. I compare peoples' sideburns.
5. The last album I purchased was The Last Shadow Puppets' "Age of the Understatement". It's pretty decent. The title track is definitely one of the best on the album.

Anything else you'd like to know, don't hesitate to ask.
I'll be trying to update this as often as I can.
Most of these blogs will be named after song lyrics.

love and zombies,
-cyanide.